Feedback

I just got off the phone with someone pretty close to me and I’ve been left with a well of mixed emotions. I feel sorry and misunderstood at the same time. So I’ll try to articulate my thoughts without boring you in the process. For context, I have this thing where I like to use my name as a verb, not a noun. Call it ego, call it self-worth… I just know it has been a kind of spice in my journey out of really messy situations. But now I’m starting to question it. Because I’ve always believed I was emotionally intelligent. But with this person… I haven’t been able to connect my intentions to my actions. And that gap? It might have made them feel small. Or even stupid. Yeah… I’m trying to hide the gender here 🤣 But continuing on this little road to enlightenment, I’ve come face to face with something uncomfortable. Truth. Accountability. And if I’m being honest… I think I’ve been a shitty person. Maybe even borderline horrible. That’s not easy to admit. But it feels necessary. Because one thing I’m grateful for, even in all of this, is the gift of communication. Nothing builds resentment faster than silence. Unspoken things have a way of growing teeth. So the fact that this was said out loud… even if it hurt… means something. It gives me something to work with. Not just communication though. Feedback. Real feedback. The kind that doesn’t massage your ego but forces you to sit with yourself. So now, I’ll process. I’ll sit with it. I’ll understand it. And I’ll come back with an apology that isn’t just words, but actions. For now, I’m trying to make things right with myself first. To actually work with what I’ve been told instead of defending against it. Because it’s crazy when you think about it. Someone can laugh with you, be around you, share moments with you… and still carry a completely different version of you in their head. And you’d never know. Sometimes I wish I could hear what people really think about me when I’m not there. When there’s no need to perform. No need to filter. Just raw, honest perception. Maybe then I could fix every misunderstanding. Explain every version of me that got lost in translation. But that’s not how it works. I’m learning that I can’t control how I’m perceived. I can only take responsibility for how I show up. And maybe that’s enough. For now, I’m sitting with two things. Apology… and gratitude. Because as uncomfortable as it feels, feedback is still a gift. And I just received one.